Last week’s blog discussed some general differences in how men and women negotiate. I went more in-depth about what many women I’ve worked with have struggled to do most, and that’s own their value. I think there’s a lot to learn in that idea, and the work we can do to own our value is important for both men and women.
In case you missed it, the wonderful Sylvie di Giusto, of Executive Image Consulting chatted about this recently. Check us out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i31n2wK9cuQ.
So, how can we move past limited perceptions of our self-worth and own our value?
Audit your work
Analyze the work you’ve done, and itemize the difference you made with each task. What lives were impacted by the work you’ve done? How much have your coworkers benefited from working with you? Has the company profited from your work? If you take some time for a deep dive into the value of your work and lay it out in front of you, it becomes easier to own your value.
Do the internal work
Find your truth. Once you discover and own that, you can be honest about what you value, what you really want and what kind of person you want to be. If you’re committed to those truths, and your work is pointed in their direction you can feel confident in your value from a deeper perspective than the dollar signs. When we feel like what we’re doing and who we are on a fundamental level is valuable, then it becomes natural to accept that our quantifiable value is commensurate with our work and how we feel about ourselves.
Define your goals
What are your objectives? To this point, we’ve been thinking both granular level of value-adds that your work brings and high-level spiritual and emotional work that can clarify how you value yourself personally. When we define our goals, these things come together. We can set objectives that both add value to our work but also align with our values and the person we want to be.
Backburner your external reward system
There can be a barrage of external factors that stick with us and make it difficult to perceive our value at all, let alone accurately assess it and own it. Between constant adverts that remind both men and women that we’re just not enough, missing this thing or that thing or bosses that make it difficult to parse our value, our external reward systems can be easily broken. The baseline expectation is perfection or outstanding work, so when we succeed and add value, it might seem unremarkable. In the rare instances when we fail or fall just short, it’s magnified and feels like it unravels all the other amazing work we’ve done. When we contract out our reward system, we concede that we have no say in our value, making it impossible for us to own it in any impactful way. If we seek rewards internally and live up to our own self-ascribed standards and find peace in living up to those ideals, we own every aspect of our life, work and value.
Regardless of gender, the Authentic Negotiator finds the same level in any negotiation. Their value isn’t in question, and the goals are clear. Still, it takes work, regardless of your starting point. Authentic Negotiators aren’t born that way. They’ve done the work. What work do you have left to do? My Authentic Negotiating Success Quiz will show you.
Corey Kupfer is an expert strategist, negotiator and dealmaker with more than 30 years of professional deal-making and negotiating experience. He is a successful entrepreneur, attorney, consultant, author and professional speaker who is passionate about deal-driven growth. He is also the creator and host of the Fueling Deals Podcast.
If you want to find out if you’re an authentic negotiator, take the Authentic Negotiating Success Quiz today!